The Iron Cross

Forgiving your Debtors

2011-09-05T17:09:00.001-04:00

Debt affects all aspects of life by inhibiting the growth of economies. America has sold free market capitalism to the world through its example of economic disparity. Market Globalism now runs rampant on developing countries by structuring an uneven playing field by keeping money in the pockets of the few. This has left the least developed nations of the world struggling to survive in a world dominated by big business/country.

Countries, such as, the United States, Great Britain, France, and China, all of which have vast resources that surpass those of smaller nations––leave least developed countries to struggle in the face of poverty, corruption, and a low Gross Domestic Product.

According to the United Nations Office of the High Representative for the Least Developed Countries, "In 2004, LDCs saw the fastest annual growth rate (6%) in four decades." Yet, " Almost 50% of the population in LDCs lives on less than $1 a day."

Many in America could not dream of living on less than a dollar a day. Most Americans spend 5 times as much on their morning coffee; unfortunately, economic stability is not the only drawback facing prosperity for individuals living in LDCs; health is also a major concern. The UN Office of the High Representative for the Least Developed Countries recognizes the following health concerns facing these nations:

Health
• Maternal mortality in the LDCs remains the highest
(890 deaths per 100,000 live births) in the world.
• Under five mortality rate is 160 deaths per 1,000
live births compared to 86 in the rest of the world.
• 2.1 million new TB cases were reported in 2004,
mainly as a result of HIV/AIDS.
• Rate of new HIV/AIDS cases (3.2%) in LDCs
remains the highest in the world.

Malaria
• Reduction in malaria prevalence in 15 LDCs but
deterioration in 13 among 30 LDCs with trend data.

Water
• Only 58 % of the population in LDCs has access
to improved water.

If people in these countries have been forced to survive on such a pittance, imagine what they could accomplish if their debts were retired. Perhaps, the growth these LDCs are enjoying could be invested back into their country thereby raising the standard of living many fail to meet.

Since many Americans have never lived in such squalor, most cannot fathom the impact of such conditions. As Americans, we are raised with the knowledge of the inalienable rights afforded to us by our Constitution. Presented with such knowledge, we do not choose when to follow and when to ignore such principles, yet many err in judgment simply by choosing ignorance.

It is America's duty, as a superpower, to lead the way by ensuring the same basic tenets we advocate for fellow Americans are engendered in nations of lesser means. When we put a price tag on human life, as we do when we allow famine to ravage developing nations––we are implicitly stating that their lives are worth less than ours; furthermore, we are encouraging the greed of big business and the power elite to see these LDCs as a means to an end.

As Americans, we can do better than that. Any one of us would balk in the face of someone threatening our own Civil Liberties. Yet our economy seems to thrive on a laissez-faire system of allowing least developed countries to fend for themselves––this standard, which is akin to hanging out in a lion's den with a pork chop strung around our necks, is not the kind of example we need to show the global community.

We cannot have it both ways. If we are going to purport equality for all, it cannot end where one country touches another. We need to set the example that all countries deserve equality by moving to retire the debts of those living in least developed countries. This would help those living in such countries to attain a higher standard of living by interjecting prosperity thus opening them up to give back to the global community by breaking out from beneath the burdens of crushing debt. Countries that are free from economic constraints are countries that invest in education, have sustainable markets, and live long happy-healthy lives for generations to come.

Spreading equality for all...

Until next time,

Ian

I say, "Dinner!" You say?

2011-02-25T19:49:00.001-05:00

What is it about food that brings us together? For centuries, people have been making decision, closing deals, and celebrating around a table with food spread out for their enjoyment.

Last week, I was lucky enough to sit down with a woman who specializes in creating the perfect dining experience. Michelle Alonso, the owner of Moore's Agency––a staffing and fine dining school of service, is changing the face of the service industry.

At an early age, I was attracted to the hospitality industry. I worked in many restaurants and bars throughout my 20s. The money I made in the industry enabled me to travel across the US and parts of Canada. Although I know a lot about working in bars, I have very little experience with catering. Michelle indulged my curiosity and sat down with me to talk about the nature of her business. The following questions were taken from that meeting.

How does catering service differ from service in a restaurant or bar?

Money is one of the biggest elements. In a bar or restaurant, the server is taught to concentrate on sales. Everything centers on up selling; oftentimes, it is at the expense of good quality service. In a catering setting––it is all about service. Everything is about making the guest happy.

What is the training program like when you work for a catering company?

Actually, there isn't a training program, which is what motivated me to start my own school of service.

And, what does your school of service entail?

It's a hands-on "Boot Camp" style of training, so the servers can learn what they need and go out and deliver high quality service and make lots of money doing it.

When Michelle said, Boot Camp, I had to laugh because Michelle is a petite woman and anything but threatening, so I followed up with: what do you mean by Boot Camp?

I run a highly interactive class. It is pretty much all hands-on with a few exceptions. My objective is to train quality servers. Who will in turn, will have no troubles finding work after the class is completed whether it be through my company or one of those I work closely with.

I instill in my students a sense of work ethic (they are the ambassadors). I also have my students navigate challenging obstacle courses (timed) and role-play tough catering scenarios. By the end of my class, students have gained the knowledge necessary to deal with the stress associated with pulling off a successful party, and I am confident that if a student does completes my class they will be successful in finding a job.

Sounds tough. I take it catering isn't for everyone then. What sorts of people do you think are attracted to the catering business?

I think, mostly, people who need extra money, some college kids, and those who like the flexibility of not having to commit to a set schedule.

Would you say that when something stands out, at an event, then the event is a failure?

No, not really. The biggest way for an event to fail is for the front and back of the house to fail to work together. All you have is your team at any given party and when there is no cohesion then that can be a disaster!

I'm confused. Servers should blend into the background or be apart of the action?

Nowadays, people are throwing more theme-based parties where the servers are not just there to ensure the party runs smoothly, but they hide in plain sight and are apart of the theme––posed in a costume or handing out H'orderves.

I've had many different sorts of managers in the 16 years I have been working in bars and restaurants. The one thing they all had in common was that they were different, so I asked Michelle what she thought was the most effective leadership style when working an event and she summed it up with one word, which kind of surprised me because the word has somewhat of a negative connotation––micromanagement.

Wanting to be certain, I looked up micromanagement in the Merriam-Webster's Dictionary. Micromanagement is defined as, "a management style centering around excessive control or attention to details".

Micromanaging is the only way to work a catering event. It is the nature of the game. A good team leader is so important in this business. For example, you never know what you are going to get at an event when you show up. Whether the bar will be in the garage or an unexpected thunderstorm that rolls in with no warning after you set up a party of 200 in the garden...so, the leader is very important. Think about it like this, you have 2 hours to put everything together before the party begins. Oftentimes, the client does not have time for a dress rehearsal. An effective leader is one that does not wait for disaster to strike, for they always have a plan B––just in case.

How do you think your staff like being micromanaged?

I tell them what to do, but in a respectful way. At the end of the day, we owe it to our guests to make it a successful party. All of us work as a team. Besides, I don't ask them to do anything I wouldn't do myself. It's like when I'm teaching, if I have to ask the same question 3 times until I get the answer I'm looking for, so be it. For me, it is all about learning. I continue to learn something new from every event I work.

One final question, what era or time stands out most in your mind for having had the biggest influence on table service?

For years, people used their hands to eat. Well actually, a spoon and a knife, some members of aristocracy used two knifes. In the 1700s, the fork was introduced. Not only did it make mealtimes more hygienic but it also made it easier to cut the meat, so I would have to say when the fork was introduced.

Charlie Chaplin may have said it, but Michelle Alonso lives it. " A day without laughter is a day wasted!" This super charged mother of two is proving to be a powerful force within the catering community. With the creation of her service school, the first in South Florida, and the close ties she has with many of the bigger catering firms, don't be surprised if Moore's Agency sets the standard of service all others are judged by.

If you want to know more about Michelle Alonso and Moore's Agency, you can visit her at her website.

Putting the staff in staffing until next time...

Ian

Healthcare Reform: The ‘Public’ in Public Option

2010-01-02T14:08:00.003-05:00

Mention death and many people recoil in discomfort. Although death is very much a stage in the circle of life, many people see it as an end and live their entire lives in search of a miracle elixir that will keep them going long after their bodies have broken down.

Aside from eating a well-balanced meal and exercising, the best way to ward off an early death is to take preventative measures. One of those measures begins with fixing an over burdened and desperately broken healthcare system. According to the Federal Governments position on healthcare, healthcare reform cannot wait.

With rising healthcare costs devastating many everyday families, families are left with stark options––pay for food and rent or to pay or buy health insurance. According to a 2007 analysis, the average American family spent $7,421 per person that is more on health care than on food or housing––nearly double the price of other developed nations. If healthcare costs continue to increase, the Congressional Budget Office predicts that by the year 2025, one out of every four dollars will be tangled up in the healthcare system.

Amidst speculation and supposition, many people never hear the truth––a truth that many refuse to admit. Instead of banding together to fix a worn out healthcare system, some politicians are angling to collapse the entire proposal based on one aspect of healthcare reform––the public option.

What is the public option? First, let us consider what it is not. The public option is not for those who already pay for insurance, or are provided health insurance by an employer, nor is it for small businesses that want to buy a plan at an affordable rate. Healthcare reform, with an emphasis on the public option, is engineered to create a health exchange.

The health exchange, essentially, is a one-stop healthcare competition intended to lower the price of health insurance by creating a set of guidelines in which insurance providers are required to adhere too. The major points outlined by President Obama, and vital to reform, are identified in the following bullets:

* There would be no discrimination based on employment, gender, or health.
* There would be a cap on out of pocket expenses.
* Policy renewal is guaranteed.
* You could qualify for a subsidy if your income was below the federal poverty line.
* No one would be turned down based on a pre-existing condition.
* You could compare varying benefits between different companies to decide the one that works best for you.

It is important to recognize that the health exchange is not the public option. The public option is only a part of the solution to healthcare reform. The public option is a new player introduced, which is introduced into the market. Similar to the advantage that the United States Postal Service offers in lower prices compared to that of FedEx, DHL, and UPS––the public option acts just like any other insurance company competing in the health exchange.

The government led insurance plan would be a not-for-profit solution to lowering healthcare costs. For example, there would not be a high salary to pay too a CEO, expensive advertisement costs, and the administrative overhead would be relatively low considering that it would be a government run department. In addition, by interjecting a public option into the myriad of health insurance providers, price gauging would be limited because it would force larger companies into providing the best possible coverage at the lowest possible price, or run the risk of losing customers.

Unfortunately, some politicians claim that a public option fix to healthcare is not the best approach. Considering that the public option helps save billions of dollars by reducing the expenses we pay for insurance––matched by the competition it injects into the market by creating an exchange whereby any number of insurance companies could compete for their stake at your business. Added only by the fact that you cannot be dropped from your insurance due to an illness or preexisting condition, and you are left with a no brainer.

Healthcare reform without the public option is like leaving the top down and the keys to your Porsche in the ignition. In order to break free from the status quo and fix our ailing healthcare system, we must change our current practices. After all, it is called a ‘public’ option for a reason.

Staying healthy until next time...

Ian

Are You Hispanic, Latino or Other?

2010-01-02T14:00:00.002-05:00

If I were to ask you to name the closest country to the United States, what would your answer be? Let me help you out a bit. It’s not Miami even though many who live in Miami would halfheartedly joke that it was.

The various Latin American and Hispanic cultures living, breathing, and working in close proximity of one another create an atmosphere entirely distinct from the rest of the United States. The term Hispanic and Latino are often used interchangeably in American English to describe race. The origin of the term Hispanic derives from its connection to Hispania––the Roman name for the Iberian Peninsula. A Latino is an individual who identifies with his or her Latin American country such as Mexico, Cuba, or Venezuela, but the term Hispanic is used to identify the modern day Portugal, Andorra, Spain, Gibraltar and other pre-Roman ancestors.

On the surface, there are no striking differences separating a Latino from a Hispanic––other than distinctive accents and vocal expressions. In all actuality, the similarity is no more significant than that of the relationship between Australia and New Zealand, Russia and Lithuania, or Canada and the United States.

Many Hispanics and Latinos have established roots in South Florida. In the last hundred years, the population in South Florida has undergone quite the transformation. At the end of the 19th century, Key West was the most populous city in Florida and a mecca of Latin culture.

The turning point came when Henry Flagler brought the railroad south through Miami and down into Key West. Flagler’s intention was to take advantage of the southern most deep-water port in the United States; however, he inadvertently built Miami by bringing those in Key West north.

Flagler’s railroad connected the Eastern Atlantic, planting families through growth in an otherwise sand invested swamp. In the wake of Flagler’s hotel and railroad development, he built schools and hospitals, which garnered him, the eternal title of Father of Miami.

Today, Miami’s diverse Hispanic and Latino population make it a hotbed of culture––lingering in the air like the stalwart elements of humidity. You need only stroll down Calle Ocho in March during the annual event in Little Havana, named after the street where it takes place, to take part in a raucous celebration of Hispanics and Latinos of all stripe––from sunrise to sunset, they feast on peaceful demonstrations of pride and culture. With what began as a way of separating one culture from another, grew into a source of great pride leading people to identify themselves as a part to a much bigger whole.

As we move forward from one day to the next, it is important to remember that we all have ancestry that can be traced to another country. The different countries each of our ancestors came from have helped define American society. Whether you’re Hispanic, Latino or other, who you are today, is a direct result of where your ancestors came from, for all Americans share one common bond––their citizenship. That citizenship connects people of all shapes and sizes in a multi-faceted mosaic uniting one and all on a common front––laid out like a giant patch-work quilt.

Erasing border lines until next time...

Ian

The 2009 Iranian Election?

2009-06-14T18:09:00.003-04:00

The events over this past weekend have many of us breathing a deep sigh of relief over the fact that we live in a democratic society. Many are calling the elections in Iran a sham because the favorite to win, Mir Hossein Mousavi, lost to the incumbent Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

In their faux election, the Iranians rushed to the polls like something ripped from the headlines of the November 2008 election between John McCain and Barack Obama. In what the Iranian papers were heralding as the largest youth turn out, who now occupy two thirds of the Iranian population with an average age of 27, the young voters came out in droves largely organized through the information revelation that Barack Obama galvanized as a key tool in his bid for the White House.

If technology could bring an array of Americans together to look beyond race, sending the message of change to anyone who could click a mouse button, then it too could aid a repressed society largely inundated with right-wing propaganda, and that’s exactly what Mousavi did as he campaigned to be Iran’s next president. Mysteriously, days before the election, the same technology that brought the people together for a stronger-united Iran was now temporarily out of commission. Even without the Internet and text messaging, the people still came out for Mousavi.

Apparently in Iran, like most other nations, when you say you’re going to have an election––that is what you should have. It’s too bad Ahmadinejad had his fingers crossed when he declared there was to be a fair election because now protesters are so emblazoned over the results that they are literally trashing their own country.

This election, or actually circus, has now turned the attention of the world to a nation who previously claimed nuclear proliferation as a step toward peace and prosperity. How I ironic but not out of character coming from a man who denies the Holocaust.

Unfortunately, I don’t see this ending happily for those who matter most, the Iranian people. My heart goes out to the people of Iran as they stand up for what they believe in. Swimming against the current is not an easy task. Just ask those in China who sought to mourn the loss of a pro-market, pro-democracy and anti-corruption official, Hu Yaobang, which culminated in the 1989 Tiananmen Square massacre––an event heard around the world, and one that would permanently etch the authoritarian grasp of the Chinese government in the minds of the global community. Change does not come easily, but it does come for those who seek it.

Screaming for silence until next time...

Ian

Go Ahead Talk Dirty To Her

2009-06-09T20:07:00.003-04:00

Are you a dirty talker? Do you want to be? Some of the best-laid advice sprung from the pursed lips of a dirty talker. The trick to talking dirty may sound like an obvious one––don’t make the other person feel uncomfortable.

If you’ve been with your partner awhile and have never talked dirty, you may not want to surprise them with a colorful expression they’ve never heard you say, or you may run the risk of turning them off. The best advice here is to ask them how they feel about talking dirty ahead of time. That way she won’t be surprised when you lean over and whisper in her ear that you’d like to introduce her to your throbbing man muscle.

A great way to practice talking dirty is with a piece of erotic fiction. They’re literally thousands of authors that earn their living on writing sinful prose designed to illicit a sensual reaction. Try reading a passage or two from a piece of romance literature, and see what kind of affect it has on her. If she likes what she’s heard, then chances are she will be comfortable with more.

Another thing to remember is tone, which goes a long way in everything we do, not least of which in how we relate to one another. When you’re in the bedroom with her, think about what you’re trying to accomplish. What reaction are you looking for? Clowning around may be fun, and she may love the way you make her laugh, but do you really want her to giggle as you undo your pants? You may be surprised to hear this, but that creepy baritone accent you use to make her laugh is as much of a mood killer as your sister walking in on you.

So, be brave, have fun, and don’t worry about being cheesy. As a friend of mine once said, some of the best lines are the descriptors that get right to the point. For some people, there’s nothing wrong with just saying, “fuck me!”

Talking up a world of dirty until next time..

Ian

Young Meets Old: A Father Trades His 8-year-old Daughter to Settle a Debt

2009-05-10T20:05:00.004-04:00

Awhile-back CNN aired a story involving a 47-year-old man marrying an 8-year-old girl. The outraged mother of the child tried to get the marriage annulled; however, she came to an impasse because she was not the guardian of the young girl. Apparently, the father was motivated by a desire to settle a debt with a man he called a friend.

I was raised in North America––between Canada and the United States. I know all to well of the differences between those two countries. As I spent my youth in Canada, I was largely inundated with tales from across the globe. Once I moved to the States, in my adult life, I experienced those tales first hand through the different ideological cultures I met in my everyday life.

No matter what country I have lived in, Canada or the United States, I have always been saddened by human rights violations. Unfortunately, these violations are not new. As a boy in Canada, I distinctly remember hearing of the varying degrees of punishment between women and men.

So, what does it mean when a Saudi judge refuses to annul a marriage between a 47-year old man and an 8-year old girl? My answer is that it means the same thing today as it did yesterday––the Middle East is no closer to equality for all then Cuba is to democracy.

Instead of being surprised when we hear of these occurrences, maybe we should work harder to put an end to this madness by not being so dependent on Middle East resources. Just maybe, as North Americans, we could show those bent on suppressing others that we-will-not stoop to their level. We will rise above mere idle threats and encourage action not inaction.

Driving the vehicle of change down a two-way highway until next time..

Ian

The Hypnosis Fallacy

2009-02-11T21:20:00.005-05:00

What do you think of when someone mentions hypnosis? Do you think of a gaunt figure with long limbs, a cloak, and polarizing eyes that beckon submission? For many, the mere utterance of hypnosis is all it takes to see a sinister figure with captivating eyes, a mysterious wand, and the ability to turn people into slaves with the telling phrase, “Look deep into my eyes.” In all actuality, this mystical pocket-watch wielding creature is nothing more than a false stereotype. This representation bears no real resemblance to hypnotism. In fact, what some refer to as hypnosis is actually an amalgamation of its genesis, Animal Magnetism, combined with what some foolishly refer to as the mythical modern aspects of hypnosis.

Hypnosis has taken on many meanings over the past two centuries. Its roots stretch deep into the culture of the ancient Greeks and their worship of Hypnos, the god of sleep. In the 18th century, Franz Anton Mesmer captured popular culture by injecting his concept of Animal Magnetism, a process involving magnets, into society by proving successfully––most of the time, that his theory enhanced the body by ridding it of paralysis, toothache, depression, and urine retention.

Furthermore, Mesmer’s influence on hypnosis did not end with the introduction of his treatments. In 1778, Mesmer left Vienna for Paris where he was afforded more freedom to develop his theories that evolved into a form of musical stage-bound theatrics, which were quite popular and garnered him large crowds. Mesmer dressed in flowing robes and would touch people with his wand “urging them to yield themselves up to the magnetic fluids that surrounded them. He exhorted them that they would be cured if only they could focus on the heavenly powers within their sick bodies.”

A couple centuries later, George Kresge changed how many would view hypnosis. Kresge, who is known too many as The Amazing Kreskin is a mentalist, an entertainer, a practical psychologist, and a student of hypnosis. Kreskin added cohesion to Mesmer’s premise, which relied on belief coupled with the use of magnets to cure various ailments.

Through a myriad of stage performances, television interviews, and published works, Kreskin explained the power of suggestion and autosuggestion as the real means behind what many refer to as hypnosis. Moreover, Kreskin believes everyone is prone to suggestion without the semblance of a trance. An excerpt from his book reflects this thought, “What I believed to be so-called ‘hypnosis’, and ardently fostered the trance concept. I now tell the audience that my references to ‘hypnosis’, both historically and as I practiced it, are in the framework of the past. This is also why I use quotation marks when dealing with the subject.”

The power of suggestion is demonstrated through Kreskin’s stage performances. He starts by inviting fifty to sixty volunteers on stage with only twenty or so chairs for them to sit. With the psychological conditioning already seeded, and the participants strength in numbers alleviated, he fills the chairs with workable subjects while leaving the remainder of the volunteers on stage. Now, most hypnotists believe their subjects need to be relaxed in order to respond to suggestion, Kreskin displays the contrary.

With a wave of his hand in front of the subject’s face, Kreskin begins by asking questions, such as, “Are you awake?” Or “Are you in a trance?” After Kreskin has asked a reasonable amount of identifying questions, he turns to the audience and announces that he can make people not under a hypnotic trance even forget their name. He does this by asking a series of interrelated questions along the lines of, “Where do you live?” And, “Where do you work?” After a few carefully chosen questions, he changes inflection as he proposes, “What is your name?” Mysteriously, the subject has no answer.

In the early 1970s, Kreskin went on record claiming, “I am convinced that no person under ‘hypnosis’ has ever been asleep unless sent to that non-trance happy state by the lullaby drone of the guide. I am convinced that there is no such thing as a specific state, condition, trance––call it anything with any twist of semantics––that can be considered ‘hypnosis’.”

Kreskin backed up his claim by offering $25,000 to whosoever could disprove his theory and illustrate the existence of the ‘hypnotic trance’. Utilizing the EEG and the polygraph to prove the subjects purported to be in a hypnotic trance compared to those in an awakened state presented no change in brain waves, Kreskin refuted all who sought to take up his challenge.

In the 1980s, Kreskin upped the offer to $50,000. He was unsuccessfully challenged in 1983 and then in 1985. The latter resulted in a court proceeding, which was eventually dismissed due to lack of evidence. The following year, Kreskin raised his offer to $100,000 and so followed a second court appearance, which was soon dismissed for lack of evidence.

The following is Kreskin’s challenge verbatim:

“I now offer $100,000.00 to any Psychologist, Psychiatrist or Hypnotist who can conclusively prove under scientific conditions, that I shall clearly outline and define a specific condition, trance or state called ‘hypnosis’. Secondly, the challenger must clearly demonstrate that what can be done in the so-called state cannot be reproduced without that state. Yours truly knows of no such special phenomenon.

After going through legal ramifications of what was a pending trial, it is only justice that in the future, aside from the claimant meeting the conditions that I shall specify, they will also agree to sign a statement that should they fail to prove, and fail to win the $100,000 they must pay all expenses incurred by me in the legal preparation of such a challenge. This, I feel, is only justice.”

If Kreskin managed to prove hypnosis’ healing qualities have nothing to do with a trance induced state, what then are the healing qualities so ardently attached to hypnosis? The answer is autosuggestion. Kreskin illustrates the use of autosuggestion in his book The Amazing World of Kreskin. He refers to Autosuggestion as something that should be preceded by auto conditioning, which are a series of mental relaxation exercises.

After getting yourself in a passive frame of mind, you mentally melt and give your imagination free rein. The following sequence will aid in relaxation:

1. Sitting in a deep chair, or lying down, make yourself comfortable.
2. Reflect for a few seconds on some time and place where you were very deeply relaxed––a quiet afternoon on a beach, falling asleep in front of a fireplace after a walk in the snow, lying in deep shade on a river bank. Recall as vividly as you can the total experience.
3. Close your eyes and think of a soft, mellow color like blue or green, or the pink hues of roses.
4. After a few seconds take three deep breaths; hold the third and the deepest, and mentally repeat the color image three times.
5. Exhale and let your entire body go limp. Make no effort to move a muscle. Simply stay relaxed and count backwards, mentally, from fifty to zero––very slowly. When you reach zero, count forward from one to three. Then open your eyes.

This routine consumes about five minutes and relaxes the body for autosuggestion. Obviously similar to the process of meditation, Kreskin does not take credit for this process. He emphasizes this procedure as one that if practiced a few times a day over the course of a couple of weeks an individual will recognize the change in which they command, such as, an ability to overcome smoking habits, dietary issues, or stress-related pressures.

One last point, although some look at hypnosis as a kind of special state of consciousness in which a trance is induced so one can redress previous wrongs, relieve pain, or overcome obnoxious habits, those who do not want to be hypnotized will not be hypnotized. The ‘hypnotist’ does not hold any special powers such as an ability to move mountains and they cannot get people to do anything against their will, in the words of B. Richard Bugelski and A.M. Graziano:

“When hypnosis is defined as a heightened state of suggestibility, it implies that we are in a special state. Actually, we can be no more suggestible than we are, once we have let down the safeguards that might normally prevent us from doing whatever anyone tells us to do. If we have agreed to let someone hypnotize us, we have agreed to cooperate and follow instructions. We are not in any different state of suggestibility; we are merely less critical. Those who worry about all the harm that hypnotists might cause are misplacing their worries. There are enough persuaders around to cause all the trouble we need. Popular leaders such as Hitler could get others to do all sorts of horrible things without relaxing them and telling them that they are falling asleep. All they had to do was to promise to satisfy strong yearnings of their followers. The followers wanted to believe, and so they believed. Similarly, the hypnotized subject wants to believe; he or she does not dispute or argue, and does what he or she is told to do. He or she cannot do, however, anything that he or she cannot do without the help of hypnosis. If someone wants to quit smoking, for example, he or she can quit. If the subject does not want to quit, a hypnotist might be able to make him or her believe what is essentially true and what no one can deny: that smoking is a filthy habit, disease promoting, a public nuisance, and so on. The additional support to the belief may help the subject quit.”

Those who claim to have lost track of time because they have sat in front of a television set or been engrossed by a novel have not experienced a mind altering hypnotic trance anymore than those who bring nicotine into their bodies are held captive by the cigarette. The purpose of hypnosis is to gain control over one’s thoughts, emotions, and the physical properties of the body controlled by the mind. Although a hypnotist can act like a guide by directing the subject through the trance-like-state, commonly referred to as hypnosis, it is a fallacy because we already have the answers to the questions the body seeks without having to be put into a trance––all we have to do is seek the right question to the answers we already possess.

Sifting fallacies from fodder until next time...

Ian

The Final Moments of 2008

2008-12-31T13:47:00.001-05:00

The last day of the calendar year is an opportunity to reflect upon a year of successes or failures. Many may not consciously consider all the year’s events, but that doesn’t take the experiences away.

For example, news agencies, radio stations, and television shows famously mark the years end by summing up a myriad of events––recapping popular stories ranging from the most exciting to the most troubling moments in our lives. After all, the human brain does not record the events in real time like a video camera; it captures flashes of memories, stored then recalled, according to our own perception of the events. Therefore, the media recall our flashes of perception sometimes giving us an unexpected reminder.

One such reminder comes from the most recognized New Years Eve events in the world, which happens in New York City. When New York’s Times Square Ball descends, a billion onlookers will chant in unison the year’s final moments echoing the demise of 2008.

As the ball drops, will you remember the high points or the low points of the year?

For me, like years passed, I will be ringing in 2009 in a bar mixing and serving drinks as the Big Orange, here in Miami, signals the end of 2008. This is also my second wedding anniversary––now, we’ve been married apart longer than we were married together. The two of us have been separated for over a year now. It took me awhile to get beyond the hurt I felt because of the separation. Like many who separate, I was initially confused. Unfortunately, the only way through the confusion into lucid clarity is to hold your head up, get out of bed each day, and breathe in and out until you find your peace wading amidst the river of chaos. As they say, time truly heals all wounds.

What about you?

Take it from someone who spent the final moments of 2007 in his Christian aunt’s garage relatively drunk, half naked, and bitterly alone. It is important to recognize the tribulations of your past, so we may laugh about them in the present and overcome them in the future. Our entire life is a collection of these moments. The past moments guide us into the present just like all that we do today will overflow into tomorrow.

Just remember, the good times and bad times of two double oh eight are about to be outdated. All we can do is move forward with life, recognizing life happens, and it’s not because of luck––but who we are and where we’ve been, which is why we’re alive today.

I hope your memories in 2009 are as beautiful as the days they come from. As my mum would say, “I’ll see you next year!” Until next time...

Ian

Technology in Our Ever-Changing World

2008-11-18T19:23:00.001-05:00

Technology runs rampant throughout our lives. New cell phones and computers designed to make our lives easier, inundate us. Not to mention, new ‘brain laboratories’ seem to be popping up designed to study ‘how’ and ‘what’ we think.

According to various studies regarding information technology, and its ready-made accessibility, frontal lobe activity is stimulated while surfing the Internet. Unfortunately, the same studies depict once the activity has been stimulated, it never digresses––making concentration on specific activities somewhat bewildering because focus is not as easily maintained as it was before the stimulation. What then, are the lasting physical effects that such conveniences bring?

The adverse physical health effects of technology are still vague; however, some studies have linked long-term exposure to radio waves from cell phones with male impotency. Similarly, laptops and PCs have been linked to physical discomfort from long term usage. Moreover, extended computer usage has been connected with tunnel vision, a side effect attributed to staring at a computer screen for hours on end. Furthermore, a more serious condition that could lead to heart attack, blood clots, has been shown to develop in the legs from sitting for long periods without movement.

Some preventative steps for reducing such health risks include: getting up from the computer to stretch ailing muscles, shifting attention periodically to relax the eyes, and trimming computer usage into multiple sessions. In addition, insuring a properly positioned chair as well as making use of a document holder, will minimize neck strain and help maintain proper posture for years to come.

Understanding the physical aspects of technology help, but it is also important to understand the uses for technology in or lives––good or bad. A closer look at technology shows that it has changed how people, young and old, now view this ever-changing world.

For years, people had strictly zoned out to the television as a source for amusement. In the last decade, people have reached out to the latest gaming devices and websites on the Internet. The Internet, which imparts a myriad of social networking sites such as Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter, has captivated global audiences by its unique appeal. These websites, which allow individuals from different backgrounds to become close friends by providing a platform for connection and grouping individuals according to likes and dislikes, create a common thread while still allowing a semblance of privacy.

Chat rooms and online dating services are no different; however, people who visit those sites do so for a specific purpose––to connect romantically. Some estimates show that the influx of web-based dating is responsible for 120,000 marriages a year; nevertheless, not all Internet activity is positive.

In somewhat bewildering news, technology has made it all too convenient for those with ill will to commit crimes, which have flourished with the induction of widespread Internet usage––crimes, like identity theft, stalking or fraud.

Overall, it should be understood that technology is here to stay. Despite the negativity that surrounds the use of technology in our lives, the manner in which we approach technology will have a direct effect on how well we live. It is like anything, too much of a good thing is a bad thing; learning healthy approaches to technology will allow each of us to reap the rewards of technology in the present while remaining healthy enough to experience future developments.

Flashing before your eyes until next time...

Ian

Tiptoe Through the Tulips With Barack Obama and John McCain

2008-10-16T21:00:00.004-04:00

Why is it the worst tunes always get stuck on repeat playing inside your mind? It's never the toe tapping jingles you like best. It's the annoying stuff like Tiny Tim’s Tiptoe Through the Tulips.

If you're like me, and I hope you're not, you obsess about the small stuff. Most of the time, it's something I've heard. As a result–I question the validity–pinning over the truth, I replay the events looking for a missed meaning or a secret code. I see the images in my mind so many times–from so many angles, all possible scenarios have been exhausted. In the end, it still sounds like a large man playing a small guitar singing a cautionary note about a late night tryst.

What do they say about walking and talking like a duck?

Over the past two years, this has been my sentiment as we have inched closer and closer to the general election. Every time I sit down in front of the hypnotizing little black box to stare at the flashing pictures, strange sounds, and late night infomercials––waiting for sleep to grab a hold of my eyelids, I am bombarded with talking heads yammering on about the latest faux pas Candidate A has gotten himself into; or, more tragically, how Candidate B is apart of an obscure religion looking to kidnap and control the minds of our young children.

Do people really care about this sort of thing?

I understand elections are grueling and meant to test the character of each Candidate running for the highest American office, but it's not like Candidate B is somehow responsible for Old Yeller getting rabies, therefore, what is the purpose of trading insults and lies?

The other day, a friend of mine proposed a novel idea. He said, "Wouldn't it be great if the candidates were banned from doing negative television commercials, Internet advertisements, and public smears."

My naivete was somewhat telling as I responded, "Wouldn't that change the face of campaigning?"

"Of course! It would turn an election into a quest for the Candidate whose issues matter most–not one who can fling the most mud."

What an idea, issues that matter most. Don't get me wrong; similar to my fellow Americans, I have continued to tune in and stay current with what the candidates have to say. But enough is enough!

Despite the entertaining moments of this three-ring quest for the presidency, I am ready to vote and be done with it. Deep down inside, I'm sure the candidates are too.

Anyway, if you're among the four people reading this article, thanks mum, and you have decided not to vote because of the mockery this has turned into–think for a minute about the millions of other people in the world who don't get such a right. Then, remember why we are here in the first place: Barack Obama and John McCain. One of these men will lead our free society through the next four years. Will you check the box that makes your opinion count, or will you ignore the truth pretending Tiny Tim sounds great in falsetto?

Making my opinion heard until next time...

Ian

Affirmative Action: The Racists’ Tool

2008-07-05T14:58:00.002-04:00

The human quest for individuality has been the motivating force behind mankind's rise to new heights; furthermore, the struggle to differentiate oneself from others, in the pursuit of greatness, has led to racism: the discrimination against a person or group based on race, religion, or creed to limit their advancement. This act of tearing down a group of people based on insecurities is as fundamentally flawed as using affirmative action to redress those wrongs.

Those with racist beliefs might hate certain groups according to their religion, spoken language, or place of birth. As in the case of one soldier for the United States Army who used the Qur’an, Islam’s holy book, for target practice in Iraq during May of 2008. This offense, called an oversight by the shooter was meant to be harmless, even though, the bullet-riddled Qur’an was marked with a target and had an expletive strew across one of its pages. This form of racism, although passive by nature, is no less harmful than that of institutional racism, which suppresses certain groups through propaganda, denying benefits based on a belief system or racial differences.

What may seem to be a significant racial difference, such as, the coarseness of hair, facial structure, or the color of skin is not an overly distinguishing factor according to the scientific community. In fact, the genetic differences that make our appearance unique are less significant than those that make us similar. In the Book, In My Father’s House: Africa in the philosophy of Culture by Kwame Anthony Appiah the author writes, "There are few genetic characteristics to be found in the population of England that are not found in similar proportions in Zaire or in China...” Not only does this statement recognize our common tread, but also it reveals a world Bob Marley envisioned when he sang, “One love, one heart. Let's get together and feel all right.”

Despite our similarities, racism prevails. In 1961, President Kennedy introduced affirmative action as a plan meant to right the wrongs that persisted in spite of civil rights laws; however, it was not implemented until after President Johnson’s 1965 commencement address at Howard University.

Affirmative action, which focuses primarily on employment and educational programs, ensure minorities enjoy benefits like school admission, financial aid, scholarship options, salary advancement, and the opportunity to grow within a company, which in the past had been predominantly reserved for Caucasians. From its inception, affirmative action was envisioned as a temporary panacea meant to create an equal opportunity for all Americans.

The opponents of affirmative action say it devalues personal accomplishment because candidates are chosen based on the social group they are apart of as opposed to their qualifications. In addition, supporters of affirmative action are not fighting to end racial discrimination, they are demanding racial discrimination be legalized and enforced. Apparently, they want to ignore equality by proclaiming skin color should be the primary consideration.

As a result, the Caucasian male is more likely to be denied employment or educational benefits because of his grandfather’s actions, regardless of whether his grandfather practiced such beliefs. Times have changed, for it is no longer the oppressor but the once oppressed that demand racial quotas.

Fortunately for Americans, we live in a country protected by the First Amendment right, which protects the freedom of expression for all Americans. The basis behind the right is not only accepting what you agree with, but also that which you disagree with too. No doctrine, no matter how morally contemptible, can be forbidden by law; however, two wrongs do not make a right. Therefore, affirmative action should have no place in our society as a means to combat racism. Edwin A. Locke said it best, “You cannot cure racism with more racism."

Equality is equal for everyone until next time...

Ian

A Great Opening

2008-06-25T16:40:00.002-04:00

What do writers and pickup artists have in common? An opening, which doesn’t hesitate to leave an impression. The difference between an opening and a pickup line is anything but subtle. The pickup line will be spotted a mile away like a bad haircut; the opening takes the form of a clever icebreaker. Many people have problems breaking the ice or starting a conversation. A great opening is a premade conversation starter. It’s simple and non-threatening--anything but a line. Successful openings will never appear to be anything more than a plea for help or advice.

The basic format for a great opening is as follows: you see the subject(s) and approach. Ask a simple open-ended question, such as, “Can you tell me where the closest pet store is?” Almost everyone loves animals. This question opens up a conversation that could lead you to talk about your new puppy (real or imagined). It also gives you the opportunity to ask the other person if they have a pet, something that they will surely enjoy talking about. The key here is to get the other person(s) talking, so you may also want to consider thinking about a couple more questions ahead of time, something subtle.

A Bar Opening

While many people go to bars and nightclubs to pickup others, a bad opening will have as positive a reaction as a pickup line. Be careful. Many women expect men to try to pick them up at the bar; their guard will be up. Some men will make the mistake of incorporating a drink into their routine. Don’t ask what she’s drinking, or if she wants a drink within the first 15 minutes of the initial introduction. Even if she asks, especially if she asks, don’t do it. Chances are she’s trolling for free drinks, so you won’t get anywhere anyway. Play hardball. If she asks you to buy her a drink, tell her you’ll gladly buy the second if she buys the first. This way you can evaluate how interested she is.

Start with this: Can I ask you a question?

Almost every time she will respond with yes. There are a couple of different ways to go about asking. The first scenario goes like this, “I was just talking to my buddy and we need a girls opinion on something, would you mind? She’ll probably answer a curious yes. “Well, my friend is crazy about this girl he works with. He's been nuts about her forever and wont approach her because they work together. From a woman's point of view, what do you think about dating someone that you work with?” If she’s interested, you’ve got her because this leaves the door open for a real discussion.

The other approach is to connect with her heart. This often works better when you are not at a nightclub, however, I have witnessed friends use this approach with mastery. The idea is to find common ground. In other words, if you are pursuing a woman, empower her with a question only she can answer. The best example of this is to ask the girl for advice on matters of the heart. You can say something like this, "I have a friend who just met a girl who has old pictures of her former boyfriend on her mirror and dresser. Should he be concerned? What do you think this means?" This will qualify her as an expert by allowing her to comment from a female perspective. It is a way of empowering her while in-turn opening up a conversation.

No matter where you are, if you ask a simple yes or no question, you will be forgotten quicker than the answer. Remember, you are planting a seed that will hopefully flower into a connection. Whether it blossoms into a budding romance or it is a brief fling--success depends upon being smooth. Since we all use openers at different points throughout our lives, make yours unique and based off the principal discussed above. Your opening line should not be you running up and blurting out a question. Keep your opening natural and suited to the subject(s). Remember confidence will go a long way, so act cool and casual even if you are sweating bullets.

Opening the door to happiness until next time...

Ian

Champagne Taste On A Beer Budget

2008-06-14T14:05:00.002-04:00

When you think of travel, most think of planes, trains, and automobiles. What about the bus? To some it may be a dirty three-letter word; to others it is an affordable way to get from point A to point B. Many people say that when you travel by bus, you get what you pay for. That is true if you are going a short distance, or you board the bus and slip into a coma for the duration of your trip. What if your trip takes you further than a coma will allow, such as, three days across the country? Even then, knocking yourself out--via sleeping pills--does not work because most likely you will have several bus transfers. Whether you like it or not, if you take the bus, you will experience more than think. What you sacrifice in time, you make up for in money--and what you give up in total comfort, you get back in lasting memories.

My last bus trip took me on a roller coaster of human emotion. By the end of my three-day trip, I was stinky, exhausted, and ready to get off. However, along the way I experienced first hand some of the finest examples of human beings that I have ever come to know.

While our bus was resting at a truck stop outside Denver, Colorado, I watched as two passengers, who were strangers before the trip, took turns singing and playing with a young baby while her father rushed into a McDonalds. I found out later that the babies mother had recently left the two of them, and cleaned out the joint bank account. Now, the father was struggling to make it to his parent’s house, across the country, with his year old daughter. What made me initially take notice were the countless times fellow passengers helped him and his daughter out, these passengers were all strangers. When it came time to transfer buses and go their separate ways, they were all acting very emotional and thick as thieves.

In Wichita Falls, Texas, I had another memorable encounter. This time it happened through a conversation I had had with a man named James Smith. Mr. Smith, who is a 56-year-old man with no formal education, worked his entire life to support his family of 14 children. I met James as he was heading home after a long stint away from his family. He was heading back to Jackson, Mississippi. This was the first time James had ever been out of Mississippi. His entire life had been spent laboring either for his brothers and sisters, he’s the oldest of 12, or now as he would say, “dedicated to his children.” During our short time together, we talked about why he worked so hard. His response was this, ”my only concern is helping them to walk across that stage and get that diploma. A chance I never had.” What was truly amazing to me was not only his dedication to his family but his enthusiasm about his recent travels. James had been working for a siding company--the three-man operation had been crisscrossing across the United States for a few months. It was long arduous work--but it brought him to new and exciting places. James spoke in detail about seeing the Pacific Ocean in San Diego for the first time--how beautiful it was to walk barefooted in the waves--and in Boise, Idaho, the “painted sunset,” as he put it, “filled the horizon with shadows reaching deep into the canyons.” When we parted ways, I was sorry to see him go, but I was very fortunate to have met such a remarkable man.

Plopping down next to me in a small town outside of Atlanta, Georgia, an army ranger named Tommy started talking to me. At the time, I was still thinking about James and his dedication to his family, so I was a little distracted as I checked my ticket to see when the bus would be leaving. Tommy looked down at my ticket as well and said, “Sweet, it looks like we’re stuck together for a while.” Not knowing how to respond, I just smiled. Later he told me he was headed to West Palm Beach to drink beer, fish the ocean, and surf the waves. I was not exactly ready for Tommy when I met him. He was a whole lot of open air in a sky full of clouds. I had already been on the bus for two days, and I had not slept in three due to a man the night before--his head lay on my shoulder; his snoring filled my ears. If that was not enough, the baby to my right kept waiting for the man to stop snoring so she could cry. By the time I met Tommy, I was not quite myself but that did not sway him, for his enthusiasm was contagious. He is the kind of person you meet and no matter how your day has gone--he will make you smile. We became instant friends, although, as I write this I suspect I know much more about him than he knows about me. As I started to say earlier, he is an army ranger who spent three tours of duty in Iraq. We talked briefly about his career in the army and all he had witnessed in his 15 years of service, but he did not go into a lot of detail. I got the impression that most of what he had seen had come at a big price, so I did not press him for details. However, he did speak to no end about his love of surfing. If I say nothing more about Tommy let me say this: I was so surprised after talking to him that this thirty-something trained killer was nothing more than a big-little-kid who liked to play in the water and on it too. Once he arrived home, I expect that is exactly what he did.

We all have a story. Our stories happen everyday. A variety of people ride the bus. Some take short trips while others spend days traveling from one place to the next. No matter what you think of the drawback--the length of the trip--if you close your eyes hoping to find a way past your long trip--you may miss the one right beside you.

Rolling, rolling, rolling man my eyes are swollen until next time...

Ian

A Wolf In Sheep's Clothing

2008-06-02T00:19:00.002-04:00

How do you define yourself? Are you the clothes you wear or the car you drive? Is your worth measured in action or inaction? The harsh reality is that we are no more the clothes we wear than they are us. We all arrive screaming from a womb. As time passes and new blue jeans become old blue jeans, our personality shapes who we are.

The D.N.A (Deoxyribonucleic acid) that makes up the smorgasbord of relatives past, present, and someday future is only a part of whom we are. If our personalities were just the product of our D.N.A coding, it would be simple. We could blame all of our problems on our parents, and live a fault-free-life. What a world it would be if we coasted from one experience to the next, taking zero responsibility for our actions.

The unfortunate truth is that is not the case. Our identity is only shaped by a part of our genetic makeup. The larger part is a result of our surroundings and experiences. The bully that gave us the hard time in third grade taught us what it was like to be picked on. His punishing actions gave us a taste of humility, but he is not totally to blame. Beauty magazines paint a world where people strive to be the ideal image. One that is perfect in shape, size, and scent. This leveled the playing field for the majority of the population--teaching those not fitting into the mold to have a low self worth, but they too are not solely to blame. The failed relationships in our life preached an underlying sense of rejection with each bitter blow until we became the person we are today.

Who is that? You ask. Is it a person who trusts no one? Is it a person who is afraid to go out--for fear of the unknown--someone angry at the world? It could be but probably not. Although we have lived the life, it does not mean we have to be the statistic. We are all free to do what we will. We can choose to stay or run away. All that has happened is in the past. Reliving the past does not change it; it only tortures us in the present.

Too many people blame their shortcomings on someone else. It is much easier to give up on life than accept responsibility for the way it turned out. Saying you are not responsible for your life is like admitting you cannot choose right from wrong. It is the theory that we were all preprogrammed from birth. If that were the case, everyone who picked up a beauty magazine would believe its endorsements. They would also believe that any bad thing that has ever happened is a result of destiny. If that is the life you have chosen, then that is the life, you have chosen. The ultimate choice is always yours. Your identity is what you want it to be: are you a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

Howling at the moon until next time..

Ian

A Monumental Decision For Same Sex Marriage

2008-05-23T00:42:00.002-04:00

True love is like the white lotus: beautiful, delicate, and rare to find. Those who have found their true love opt to bring it to the next level--marriage. What if your true love is the same gender as you? Are you supposed to deny that which is true?

In 2004, Massachusetts became the first state to legalize gay marriage. Since then, more than 9,500 same sex couples have been married and the world has not come to an end. As of May 15, 2008, California's Supreme Court overturned the state's ban on gay marriage with the stroke of a pen. The 4-3 ruling declared that the state’s constitution protects the fundamental right to marry regardless of sexual orientation. The ruling cited a 60 year old precedent that struck down a ban on interracial marriage in California.

"Our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and to responsibly care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation," Chief Justice Ronald M. George wrote for the majority. "An individual's sexual orientation--like a person's race or gender--does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights." Furthermore, he went on to say “adopting a different name, such as, domestic partnership or civil union may cast doubt on whether the official family relationship of same sex couples enjoys dignity equal to that of opposite sex couples." His ruling was joined by Justices Kathryn Mickle Werdegar, Carlos R. Moreno, and Joyce L. Kennard. All the justices except Moreno were appointed by Republican governors.

In 2000, Proposition 22 defined the state’s constitution by adding the words, "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." At the time, Proposition 22 passed with 61% of the vote. Since then, the legislature passed one of the strongest domestic partnership laws in the country. It allowed same sex couples most of the rights heterosexual married couples enjoy. The Supreme Court's ruling on May 15, 2008 abolished both statutes.

The high courts ruling is seen as a major victory for advocates of same sex marriage. The ruling was greeted with thunderous applause and cheering when it was released. Over a 100 people lined up outside the courthouse to buy copies of the decision for $10 apiece. Many people bought more than one copy--claiming it to be a historic document. This highly emotional issue, interjected into an election year, paves the way for tens of thousands of gay people to celebrate their love by marrying in California. Those fortunate enough to be apart of this monumental triumph and stand before the eyes of the law declaring a love--tested and true--will have their opportunity as early as mid June. Even if they don’t live in the state, gay couples would be permitted to marry. However, federal law dictates that other states do not have to recognize those marriages as legally binding. In addition, same sex couples would remain ineligible for certain federal benefits: Social Security for spouses and joint filing for income taxes.

Over the past few years, courts in Maryland, New York, and Washington State refused to allow gay marriage. The decision to overturn the ban on same sex marriages in California was a bold surprise coming from a Republican dominated court. A group of activists submitted a petition hoping to qualify for the November ballot. The petition which claimed to have 1.1 million signatures stated that for a marriage to be recognized in the state of California, it should be between a man and a woman. The group is confident that once the county election officials checkout the signatures, they will find that they have far more than the required 763,790 valid signatures.

According to a 2006 census, California has approximately 108,734 same-sex households. That may seem like a lot but with a state that holds the highest population in the entire U.S with a whopping 36 million, it is a mere drop in the bucket. The difference between same sex relationships and heterosexual couples is inequality. A same sex marriage does not take away from a marriage that occurs between a man and a woman it offers validation that they are both equal. The Supreme Court of California’s decision aids in bridging that gap, for it paints a picture of a world where people who find their white lotus can allow it to grow regardless of race, religion, or gender. Although it is far too soon to say how the debate over the ban on same sex marriage will end, one thing is for certain--the issue isn’t going away.

Choose your battles carefully until next time..

Ian

Massage: Learn To Massage Pain Away

2008-05-14T21:31:00.002-04:00

A great massage releases tension from the body, mind, and soul. It can be done in pairs as a date, or you may want to practice massaging one another. Either way, a great massage goes the distance whereas a poor one leaves you aching for no more.

What is a therapeutic massage?

From a professional stand point, if you are paying for a massage, then you should get a well balanced massage. A well balanced massage has these ingredients: the massage therapist is balanced, centered, and grounded. The massager should be completely focused on your body. Not to mention, you should be made to feel safe, special, and nurtured as your body is being rejuvenated. If you are not paying for a massage, remember these elements for they will empower you to give a great massage.

The therapeutic massage has a long history, dating back to ancient times. It has been used in such cultures as India, China, Greece, Rome, and Egypt. Its purifying effects touch the following organs in the body:

Skin
Through stimulation the pores are opened and poisons are released through perspiration.

Muscle pain
Lactic acid collected in the muscles from a rigorous work out is reduced and the tension is dissolved.

Blood circulation
The blood in the area of the body being massaged is sped up providing more nutrients. It also reduces swelling and increase the capacity of oxygen carried through the blood.

Nerves
A gentle massage with light pressure will relieve tension in the nerves increasing their overall efficiency.

The Digestive System
Massaging the abdomen stimulates the digestive system by promoting the elimination of wastes.

Urinary System
An overall body massage eliminates toxic substances from the body through urine secretion.

As you can see, a massage truly aids in ridding the body of impurities. It is a highly effective treatment for many of the body’s ailments.

How do you give a good massage?

You don’t have to be an expert to make someone moan with delight from a great massage. Apart from your hands, your ears and mouth will be a great asset. Listen to the person who you are massaging. They will tell you what they want. Too hard or too soft is easily remedied by asking how you are doing. With that in mind, add some baby oil, Cocoa Butter, or lotion and we will talk about giving a great massage. Working our way down the body, let’s start by talking about a head and neck massage.

For a head and neck massage, you will need a chair, soft music, scented candles or incense.

1. Start with the comfy chair in the middle of a room.
2. With someone seated in the chair, use the tips of your fingers. Starting with small circles, work up the back of the neck.
3. Once you reach the back of the skull, move one hand to the forehead and leave the other one on the back of the neck.
4. Take the hand resting on the neck and gently work the part between the base of the skull and the shoulders massaging gently with the tips of the fingers.
5. With the gentlest of ease, rock the head forward and then back 3 times.
6. From behind, run the fingers of both hands across the scalp. Think about it like your shampooing hair. You’ll want to contract and extend your fingers throughout the scalp pressing into the scalp with your fingertips.
7. After a few minutes of fingertip massaging, move one hand to the back of the scull. Place the other on the top of the forehead for stability. Use the palm of your hand to rub vigorously around the back of the head. You can rub in a horizontal, vertical, or circular motion. Do this for about 5 minutes working your way around the scull.
8. Now take two fingers, and ever so lightly rotate them along the temples in a circular position. If you start in a counter clockwise position, do a few rotations and then switch to clockwise. Alternate between the two rotations for a few minutes.
9. Move you fingers down the face and along the jaw line. Once you reach the ears allow your fingers to slip behind the ears to the pressure point. Press gently on the pressure point allowing your fingers to hesitate momentarily before you slide down the neck and complete the head massage.

Massaging the shoulders and back is easier to do from a laying position; however, it is achievable from a sitting position.

1. Start with a comfortable position.
2. Allow your hands to rest on the trapezius muscle or shoulders.
3. Flex your hands into the muscle squeezing gently. Follow through with the thumbs in a clockwise position pushing into the muscle.
4. Work your way down the spine. Using the tips of your fingers, press in a circular motion. Soothe with your hands, palms, forearms, or elbows to work out the tension.
5. Continue with this motion until relaxation is achieved or until one of you has had enough.

Massaging hands and feet have a similar approach. The following steps you can use for either massage.

1. Place the hand or foot in a comfortable position.
2. With both of your hands, allow them to wrap around the object you are massaging.
3. Tighten your grasp while pressing into the soft spots. For example, use the tips of your fingers to press into the palm and allow your hands to wrap around the hand offering a gentle squeeze. Think about it like your giving the hand or foot a hug with your hands. With the foot you will do the same but you will concentrate on the arch.
4. Pressing toward the kinked area, you will attempt to work the pain out using the circular approach discussed earlier. On a side note, I have found that knuckles are very helpful in digging into soar arches. Feel free to use some imagination here. You have nothing to lose but soar feet.

One last thought, it is important to remember that a great massage is designed to relax and soothe. On occasion, a great massage has been known to lead to sex. This is an interesting contradiction. A great massage will relax the body lulling it into a slumber like state whereas sexual arousal will heighten the body’s senses often leaving a feeling of euphoria. So was Vincent Vega, John Travolta’s character in Pulp Fiction, right when he argued with Jules, Samuel L. Jackson, that a foot massage is just a foot massage?

Well, yes and no.

If you are massaging to relax, then you probably won’t be doing so with chocolate sauce. Just like if you are massaging for nookie then you won’t want to put the other person to sleep with relaxing music and deep tension twisting muscle rubs.

With that in mind, be aware of what you want to achieve and remember that a great massage is an investment in tomorrow’s relationship, today, until next time...

Ian

Intimacy: Into Me You See

2008-05-14T21:24:00.002-04:00

The definition of intimacy varies from one relationship to the next. The act of intimacy or intimate behavior bonds family, friends, coworkers, strangers and those in love. The poor development of intimate behavior can lead to a one-sided tug-a-war with one party getting too close too quickly. True intimacy requires empathy--an ability to not only stand in one's shoes but to share in their blisters.

There is a process to intimacy; it is not just some ‘thing’ you find. Intimacy grows with time--the more you know yourself, the closer you can get to someone else. The difference between intimate relationships and noncommittal relationships is the behavior. In the latter, behavior is often motivated by an ulterior motive--one the other person may not know. For example, talking to a colleague simply to learn new gossip about the new guy in shipping and receiving. This information might not have been offered freely if not for the bogus intimate exchange.

Within each of us, we have five elements that when in complete harmony help us govern our lives and find true intimacy. We have the physical aspect: the touch and the feel, the social: interaction and communication, the intellectual: knowledge and discovery, the emotional: feelings and desires, and the spiritual: cultural and philosophical. For balance to occur, all five of these parts need to work together. In our search for intimacy, sometimes we look for the easiest solution--the one for today. One of the biggest drawbacks our society faces is the overindulgence in instant gratification.

Physical intimacy is the easiest of the five elements to achieve, however, it can also come with the biggest price tag. When most people think of physical intimacy they think of sex: tearing the clothes off the object of their desire in a torrid moment of passion to satisfy a physical want.

Where are they after the endorphins subside?

Once the toe curling feeling of an orgasm wears off, you are no closer to an intimate relationship then when you started. When your interaction is based solely on the physical, the four other elements lay dormant--waiting to surface.

What do you do when the sex ceases to satisfy?

Some choose to get into a relationship thinking it will satisfy their restless urges. Once in a relationship, they may finally think they have the intimacy they have been searching for. However, if you don’t open up to the other person, then it won’t matter if you rationalize your feelings by claiming you are in love because insecurity doesn’t go away on its own. It will fester until you start picking pointless fights with the other person, eventually, you’ll break up and most likely won’t be able to face one another. What the human race wants is not just sex, it’s intimacy. The human race was not meant to be alone. We live our lives connecting with perfect strangers everyday; therefore, without the five key elements to intimacy, love and harmony won’t flow naturally. Even then--we must work for it or we will find ourselves like a radio station with static--out of frequency.

Whether we admit it or not, deep inside many of us, we long for the perfect love. Tragically, if we find that love, we tend to push it away. Many people are afraid to open up and be close to another person because they are scared of being hurt. As a result, they’re afraid of love. The notion of a painless love is but an oxymoron because the closer you come to someone, the greater the chance there is of getting hurt. When we’re in a relationship, we leave an emotional imprint of ourselves on the other person. When that relationship comes to an end, whether you are ‘the dumper’ or ‘the dumped’, the feelings have already been exchanged. Consequently, there is just as much hurt about ending the relationship as there is about being broken up with. The real question is how do you deal with the hurt?

To keep the pain out of new relationships, some people resort to a form of double-talk. They may say, as long as we avoid certain topics, we can be close. Oftentimes, secrets are kept from the other person. This is damaging. Even if the other person does not know about the secret, the whole idea of keeping a secret goes against the very principal of an intimate relationship. Knowledge may be the power that motivates action but a naiveté surrounding a given secret does not excuse the betrayal of intimacy or make it any less of a traumatic experience. Although the fear of being hurt may motivate these actions, the other person may feel cheated or even humiliated. In all actuality, it will often drive the other person away and ward off any hope of finding true intimacy for yourself.

Exploring the topic of intimacy, we must realize that true intimacy takes on many elements. Intellectual intimacy is the exchange of thoughts and ideas with another person. Social intimacy is where people engage in an activity for an ultimate purpose such as building a fence. Emotional intimacy is when two people express their strengths and weaknesses while feeling safe that the other person will empathize with their feelings. Spiritual intimacy is the ability to connect with another person on a philosophical or cultural level. Often, this happens through religion but this does not always have to be the case. Finally, physical intimacy deals with the touch and the feel. This level of intimacy includes a wide range of sensuous activity including sex. The fact that intimacy touches different dimensions in our lives is further proof that intimacy is many different things for many different people at many different times.

Into me you see until next time...

Ian

Different Ways To End A Relationship

2008-05-13T23:23:00.002-04:00

Ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do. Whether you’re married or dating, the dumper or the dumped, you are still left with the same uneasy feeling. The only true way to get through this process is to face it head on and wade through.

With our ever growing technology based society, the email seems to be the most convenient way to send your intent. While it offers an impersonal way to send a clear message, it does not take the place of standing up to a face to face and walking the high road.

Many people don’t send many letters these days. The waiting time on a response cannot be compared to that of the electronic zip of the email. But, if you are writing a Dear John letter or Dear Jane letter, you’re not looking for a traceable response. This method of ending a relationship is more personal than the email, for it is written by your own hand. Where it fails to deliver is the time consuming aspect of a change of thought. After all, where an email comes with a delete button, the written letter only has a scribble.

For years, people have been using the phone to do their dirty work. With the phone, vocal inflections can be inferred and the meaning for the break up conveyed. This offers a personal yet impersonal form for ending a relationship. Nowadays, most people have cellphones. Some are using the cellphone in ways not previously mentioned as a tool for ending a relationship. In the form of a text message people have begun ending their uncomfortable situation in a very comfortable way.

Face to face is the hardest way to end a relationship. It is also the hardest way to take that end. It won’t help you sleep at night, but it should be said that the peace of mind that comes from having the courage to look someone in the eye, while telling them that it is over, is a courageous act in itself.

Whichever way you choose to end a relationship, honesty will save you from revisiting this uncomfortable situation. It may not make the other person your friend but if you do go from holding hands to shaking them, honesty will aide in fostering a long friendship. As well, you will find solace in the fact that you did what you felt was right. After all, it is your life to live; it is you who has to sleep at night.

Leaving it all behind until next time....

Ian

Legalized Prostitution And Paying For Sex

2008-05-12T04:24:00.002-04:00

Prostitution is to sex as firefighters are to fires. Even though the setting of fires in an uncontrolled environment is illegal, fires themselves are not. The same can be inferred about prostitution with a few exceptions. For example, in Rhode Island, the act of sex for money is not illegal, but street solicitation and the operation of a brothel are. Nevada is the only state that practices legalized prostitution. Although prostitution is legal in most of its counties, strict laws are enforced to regulate the industry making it safer for all parties involved. If other states and counties were to follow Nevada’s lead, one of the oldest professions in existence would be a whole lot safer.

What do dolphins, bonobos (pygmy chimpanzees), and humans have in common?

Despite how it sounds, it’s not the start of a joke. If you said that these three have sex for pleasure, you would be right. Sex is as much apart of our daily lives as the air we breathe. We see sex everyday in advertising, hear it in our music, and feel it on the inside. They’re many ways too spice up one’s sex life. You need only go online or visit a store for lovers to see all the different ways you can pay to add variety to your sex life.

The European sex industry has no shortage of variety. You can find a sexual experience in brothels, bars, cabarets, erotic phone calls, clubs, discotheques, virtual sex on the Internet, sex shops with private cabins, massage parlors, saunas, permanent and temporary matrimonial services, escort agencies, hotels, commercial and semi-commercial announcements in magazines and newspapers, postcard advertisements, erotic restaurants, pornographic cinemas, and domination/ submission services. There are countless ways to pay for a sexual sensation or experience. Many European countries have accepted the fact: sex is not going away, so they have decided to make it safer.

You don’t need to pay for sex--it should be free. But, is it?

Many people go to a bar to meet someone with the hopes of hooking up and getting sex by the end of the night. This may seem to cost nothing, but you are actually paying with uncertainty: physical harm or the contraction of a disease. Legal prostitution enforces safe health mandates. In Nevada, the state law requires that prostitutes be registered and then be examined weekly for sexually transmitted diseases and monthly for HIV. The owners of brothels are liable if one of their customers become infected with HIV. Unfortunately, with illegal prostitution they’re no such barriers from pimps or the outbreak of sexually transmitted diseases.

All prostitution is legal in Nevada.

Actually, not all prostitution is legal in Nevada only prostitution in licensed brothels. Moreover, not all counties in Nevada are licensed for brothels. Nevada state law dictates that in order for a county to permit legalized prostitution the population must be below 400,000. According to a census taken in the year 2000, Clark County, where Las Vegas resides, is the only county to have a population which exceeds 400,000. Cities and incorporated towns that reside in counties where prostitution is legal are allowed to regulate the industry or prohibit its practices entirely. Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas, Reno, Lake Tahoe, Laughlin, and Carson City.

The exact licensing requirements differ between counties. The fees range from an annual $100,000 in Storey County to $200 in Lander County. All prostitutes must be licensed and at least 21 years of age, with the exception of Lyon and Storey County where they only require their prostitutes to be 18 years of age.

The long and the short of it.

Everyone is aroused by something. Sometimes an unexplored arousal is a source of embarrassment. Personally, I know many people who can’t talk about sex without getting flushed. Simply, it is a result of our closed North American society, for sex has been around long before people knew what to call it, and sex will continue long after we die. Nowadays, it isn’t uncommon to see stores specifically designed for exploring that special kink. Why can’t we have legal businesses that help us to fulfill that which transcends humanity? They’re many things that we hide from others on a daily basis--little secrets that lay trapped in the human psyche. Do you really want someone else telling you what should bring you pleasure? Honestly, I don’t even know how someone could. Not only does Nevada forbid prostitution outside of licensed brothels, but the state also has laws in place which filter the sex trade industry enabling the customers to make safe informed decisions regarding what they’re buying.

Getting what I paid for until next time...

Ian

Stress Out Your Life

2008-05-09T03:27:00.002-04:00

Most people are familiar with the word stress. Did you know that in small doses stress can be good? Stress is not just being worried about passing a test, getting fired from a job, or making the one you love happy for the next 30 years. Many people associate the word stress with worry, so it is no wonder that when we worry too much we refer to it as being stressed out. If you are used to associating stress with something that causes you to worry, you have been thinking about stress the wrong way.

Stress takes on many forms. It exists in that which makes us sad, happy, allergic, and confused; therefore, the best definition of stress is change. Anything that causes a change in your daily life is considered stress. Your body does not differentiate between a good change and a bad one--they are both considered stress. For example, you find a car you want to buy--this is considered stress. The same is true if upon taking your new car out for a drive you get into an accident. Bad or good, if it is a change in your life, then it is stress to your body. Stress is not only limited to the tangible; imaginary changes are also considered stress. If you are concerned about a date you have on Friday, what to wear or how to dress, this is also considered stress to your body.

Stress management starts by identifying the sources of stress in your life. The goal of stress management is to center the mind, body, and soul to achieve a perfect balance. If you are living with high levels of stress in your life, you are putting your entire well-being at risk. The true source of your stress will not always be known to you, for stress blurs your ability to think lucidly, operate regularly, and love honestly. Fostering a positive attitude and learning healthy ways to stress reduction release the strangle hold that stress has on your life, your thoughts, and your emotions. Ultimately, helping you to take back your life.

For many, simply committing their worries to paper is all the catharsis they need. Keeping a journal is a perfect way to clarify reoccurring behaviors and obstacles in your life. The idea is to write, read, and release. Once you become aware of your patterns, reducing the stress in your life becomes a matter of formulating the right plan to move through the stress.

Unhealthy Ways Of Dealing With Stress

Procrastination
Alcohol
Smoking
Taking tranquilizers or sleeping pills to relax
Overeating/starving
Drugs

If your approach to stress management does not aid your physical and emotional well-being, it is time to find a new way that will help you deal with those stressors. The following are steps which will aid in stress management.

1. Unneeded Stress
Not all stress is avoidable, so you have to know your limits. Whether it is your personal or professional life, if you take on more than you can handle, it will end badly. Take a good look at your daily tasks and obligations. Make a list distinguishing between what is necessary and what is not needed in your life. Drop the less important tasks to the bottom or take them off the list completely. As far as the people in your life that stress you out are concerned, limit your time with them or end the relationship entirely. You need to take control of your environment.

2. Defusing The Bomb
If a stressful situation cannot be avoided, learn from it so you can change it in the future. Most often, stress reduction involves changing the way you communicate with others. Let your feelings out instead of allowing them to be bottled up. If you do not express the resentment you feel surrounding a particular event, it may escalate before a resolution can be reached. When your stress involves someone else, and you want them to change their behavior, you must be willing to do the same.

3. Acceptance
There are many aspects of life that cannot be controlled: losing a job, sudden illness, or the death of a loved one. The best way to deal with the stress anxiety that arises from the unavoidable is to accept the fact that you cannot control the uncontrollable. Apart from that, you must learn to forgive. Forgiveness and acceptance are the backbone to stress management without them your stress will never be released. Once you realize people make mistakes--we live in a fractured world--then you can let go of the negative, freeing yourself from the stress.

4. Change Of Heart
We cannot control the way other people react; all we can control is ourselves. Therefore, stress reduction becomes a matter of changing your perception. If you evaluate how important any given situation is against the affect it will have on your life, you can discover what makes you upset. For example, if you have just gotten off a long days work and upon stopping at the grocery store, you discover a long line at the checkout counter. Changing your perception will bring a different result. Instead of allowing the exhaustion from a long days work to weigh in against the long lineup and slow customers, you could take the time to enjoy being off work and realize that soon you will be at home and relaxed.

5. Imperfection Is Perfection
Nothing feels better than accomplishing something masterfully, however, setting yourself up for failure by never allowing yourself to make mistakes can be a major source of stress. Set realistic goals and celebrate your accomplishments. When you are starting to feel a little stressed out--take a minute to appreciate the positive aspects of your life. Remember, every time you say something negative about yourself--your subconscious mind hears too. Try this, next time you are in the bathroom look into the mirror and say something positive aloud to yourself. Do it once everyday!

Stress anxiety is a feeling of doubt or dismay; its uneasiness is not always recognizable nor are the causes. Stress anxiety may accompany such physical symptoms as sweating, headaches, abdominal pain, or muscle twitching. Other symptoms that may be associated with stress anxiety are:

Lack of concentration
Dizziness
Insomnia
Irregular heart rate
Fatigue
Irritability

Some recreational and medicinal drugs cause symptoms of stress anxiety as a side effect or withdrawal from the drug. The drugs you need to be aware of are: cocaine, amphetamines, diet pills, cold remedies, decongestants, nicotine, caffeine, and alcohol. As well, an unhealthy diet with low levels of vitamin B12 will also have a factor in stress anxiety.

Beyond the take charge approach to a positive lifestyle, you can reduce stress anxiety by taking care of yourself. In other words, start with finding someone you can trust like a neighbor, friend, or loved one and open up. Start a dialogue. This will help you release the worries. Remember, a healthy mind goes hand-in-hand with a healthy body, so you need to make regular time for rest and relaxation. If you do not nurture yourself, who will.

Being physically active 3 times a week for at least 30 minutes a day will reduce and help prevent the effects of stress. A positive compliment to an exercise program is a healthy diet. Nourished bodies are better equipped to manage stress. The following activities are a great way to stay active while reducing stress.

Learn yoga
Take a walk
Spend time in nature
Gardening
Sports
Working out
Playing with a pet

Since we all respond differently to stress, there is not a one-size-fits-all method to stress management. Focus on that which makes you feel calm and in control. Operating on a daily red alert comes with a high price tag: your stamina, your health, and your peace of mind. While it may seem that stress is inevitable--there will always be bad drivers, there will never be any more hours in a day, and your marriage will always take work. Fortunately, there is good news; you have more control over your life and stress reduction then you think. Simply recognizing that you are the master of your own destiny is the basis of stress management.

Don't sweat the small stuff until next time...

Ian

Taking Chances

2008-05-07T03:01:00.003-04:00

Boy meets girl; the story of most of our lives. Meeting the woman of your dreams can lift you to heights unimaginable. Discovering you are not the man of your woman's dreams is a crushing blow. I am the man; she was the woman. Our tale is not new; it's repeated through the ages.

By the time we got together, she had been in a relationship with my best friend for two years. They broke up. She went to rehab for drug abuse. From rehab, we spoke almost everyday. I had been in love with her since the first moment I laid eyes on her.

Between the drugs and my status as the best friend, I had never been noticed. In rehab, she had to let go of all the outside drug influences. I had cleaned myself up a year earlier, so I became the perfect person to talk to. We talked, we laughed, and we cried. I found myself falling more in love with each phone call.

As it turned out, a week after she was scheduled to be released from rehab, I had planned to move back to Florida and continue with my education. I was faced with a dilemma. Do I keep the plans I had been engineering for a year? Or, do I throw it away for the woman of my dreams? This is the part where most people say, "if I knew then what I know now, it would be different." Honestly, I don't know if it would.

Call me a romantic or just a fool, but I decided to spend my school money on the two of us. Two days into our trip we got married. It was a beautiful shotgun wedding that could only be pulled off in Nevada.

For the next four months, we traveled through the United States dropping in on family members for a visit then scurrying off to our next destination. It truly was amazing. Each day was filled with new beginnings and each night we ended in each others arms. If I die tomorrow, I will always have those four months.

At the end of the four months of living, laughing, and loving together we decided to head north to Canada where she was born and we first met. Deciding to start our new life together in Calgary, we began with the arduous task of planting married roots.

Initially, we moved in with her parents and both got jobs. It didn't take long for the tumultuous life once left behind to resurface again. The occasional drink turned into a daily ritual. With each drop consumed, we slid further apart. The fighting began.

Seven months of fighting was wearing me down. I had been praying for change. I had confronted her on a few occasions about what this was doing to our relationship. One day, my prayers were answered. It wasn't what I expected but then it never is. She surprised me with a realization. I was not the man she wanted to be with--we were too different. She did not want to overcome her anger issues, nor would she stop drinking. I was devastated. I did not know what to do, so I left. I blamed Canada for not throwing me a bone, so I headed south into the states where I was born.

I needed a change of scenery; I needed to get away from the reminders of our relationship. It seemed that every corner I turned, I saw her: she was there at the lamp post where we first kissed; she was there in the dog park where we liked to walk. She was close enough to see but too far to touch.

I decided to leave her OUR city. Although I found it helpful to get out of Calgary, the pain has never gone away. When you run from your problems you find temporary relief, but they never leave you alone. If you do not face your demons, they will always be there to torment you, to remind you, and to haunt you.

Breaking the cycle of pain until next time...

Ian

Movie Talker: To Talk Or Not To Talk

2008-05-01T14:01:00.002-04:00

The other day, I was watching a movie in a theater with some friends. It was supposed to be a comedy, but I couldn’t stomach a laugh. If I hadn’t gone with a couple of friends, I would have already been in another theater by this point. Especially a movie like this, one that would have been better to rent than pay a million dollars to see. It’s getting down right expensive to see a movie nowadays. After you factor in the pop, candy, and the price of your ticket, you almost need to take out a second mortgage. Anyway, I’m not really into the movie, and I can’t leave. I start biting my lip because I have a bad habit which drives my friends crazy. All of a sudden, I hear a familiar sound; a guy two rows down has the same condition as myself. My dimples take form for the first time this evening. The guy two rows down is a movie talker.

For those of you who are not familiar with my condition, let me showcase some of our best characteristics. They’re three kinds of movie talkers. Sometimes it is possible for a person to have all three of these traits but usually a movie talker is one of the three.

The first kind of movie talker is what I will call the Good Buddy. Don’t be deceived, this kind of movie talker is definitely not. The Good Buddy likes to talk to the characters on the screen like they are friends. They may say things like, “Don’t go into that room! Someone is waiting on the other side of the door--they’re going to kill you!!” This individual will inadvertently unfold the plot of the movie. It is important to remember that the Good Buddy does not always realize what they are doing. Whether or not the Good Buddy has previously seen the movie, is not necessarily a prerequisite for their movie talking. Unfortunately, whether they are right or wrong regarding the films outcome, does not change the fact that they are still talking during the movie.

The next kind of movie talker might think they have a sixth sense for unraveling a great mystery, but really they are nothing more than someone who points out the already known. I call this movie talker...Captain Obvious. Captain Obvious’ special power only appears in predictable movies. Captain Obvious might say things like, “Did you see that jump?” Which movie do you think we’re watching here captain? Or, “That’s the guy from earlier, remember he was in the background when so and so died.” Although Captain Obvious may seem like a pretty annoying movie talker, there is one more movie talker who is far worse.

The award for the most annoying movie talker goes to...Speechless. Ironically, they are anything but. This movie talker goes on and on, and on, and on like an old warped record. They talk about unrelated subjects during the movie regardless of whether they have seen the movie or not. Speechless may not know why they came to the movie with you in the first place. If you ask them, Speechless will probably say, “I don’t know because you were going.” They may just want to spend time with you and talk out their day, what they saw earlier, or something about the show--that reminded them of something they saw earlier. Speechless will continue to talk oblivious to the fact that you are trying to watch a movie. If you try and ignore them hoping it will send a message for silence, Speechless will continue to talk and even ask if you are paying attention. Speechless is not a bad person which makes them the worst kind of movie talker. They just have an innocence that makes them oblivious to what’s going on around them. If you tell them to shut up because you are watching a movie, then they will almost always get a doughy eyed expression like you just kicked their puppy.

Nowadays, the average movie talker is silenced at home by the technology designed to make our lives easier. We have the aging v.c.r, the everyday d.v.d player, and the newcomer d.v.r. These three devices are prepackaged with a pause, stop, rewind, and fast forward button. Unfortunately, movie theaters do not have such a luxury. Aside from creating a movie theater specifically designed for each of these movie talkers, the only real thing anyone can do is keep suspected movie talkers at home.

Or, is there?

In May of 2007 Regal Entertainment Group unleashed a new device aimed at silencing the movie talker. The hand-held device is issued to select moviegoers with a direct link to management. The four button remote control can alert management of a problem with the picture, poor sound quality, movie talking, or an act of piracy. Although this device was controversial when it was first released, it has paid for itself many times over through the satisfied customers who get a chance to see and hear the movie they’ve paid for.

Keeping my movie talking to a minimum until next time...

Ian

A Marriage, A Death, And A Birthday

2008-04-26T05:02:00.002-04:00

Our society is obsessed with anniversaries whether it is a marriage, a death, or a birthday. These dates are remembered and celebrated in there own special way.

Marriage predates time. For many years it was used as a tool--one that united tribes and countries. The idea of marrying for love has only been around for a couple 100 years. Even today, some cultures still adopt the practice of arranged marriages. Although today when most people choose to get married, it is by mutual consent. If by chance you forget that special date, chances are the other person, your wife, will be pissed off, for marriage is not only the union of two people and their families, but it is also the first milestone in your life as a couple. Once you have kids, the mile markers in your life shift from you to them. Therefore, it is important to remember the date that started it all.

Death is also significant in our lives, for it reminds us of the beauty of life. Many are afraid of death--they see it as a loss or an end. Not all cultures take such a one-sided approach to something so intrinsically apart of our daily life. For example, an old Celtic tradition which involved masked people giving out food evolved into what we now call Halloween. The purpose of this ritual, which has been lost through time, was not to morn the loss of the loved one, but to honor the life.

It may be surprising to some that the origin of the birthday is actually rooted in a Pagan tradition. As it turns out, the tradition which was spawned from Paganism was used to record the first horoscope. Consequently, the direct connection between the Pagan practice of the birthday celebration and astrology can’t be ignored. The Pagans may have laid the ground work for this tradition but the greeting card companies have elevated the momentum to a new level.

Today I pass into my third decade. For me, it is just another day. As a kid I don’t remember my birthdays being overly traumatic, nor do I remember getting a ton of presents that I would have probably lost, broken or forgotten about--come next years birthday. But that’s not the point. I view birthdays differently. I see them as an anniversary between me and my mum. I don’t feel the need to tell people when it’s my birthday. When I am in the same country as my mum on my birthday, I celebrate it with her. After all, it is our anniversary.

However you choose to remember a birthday, death or marriage, remember it for the right reason--not because some greeting card company told you that you should, but because of how it makes you feel. After all, it’s your life to live.

Happy anniversary mum! For everyone else until next time..

Ian

Handicap Parking Fraud

2008-04-24T05:26:00.002-04:00

To park or not to park, that is the question. The blue and white sign hanging in front of the empty parking space states a fine between $250.00 to $3,000.00 and/or six months in jail for offenders. The parking lot is empty and no one is around. Sure it is illegal, but if you’re only going to be a minute or two and no one is around to bust you--who’s it hurting?

Apart from taking away the rights of the handicap by parking in their spots, you’re inconveniencing the businesses that reserve those spots for their customers. In fact, if a majority of people adopted the philosophy, it will only be a minute or two--no one is around to notice so who cares. Then where does that leave the handicap? It leaves them searching for a spot--possibly one at the other end of the parking lot; or, even more tragically sending them elsewhere due to their inability to find a parking spot.

The business responsible for deciding who is eligible for a handicap placard or license plate is the Department of Motor Vehicles. When the DMV issues the placard, they do so according to three varying levels of disability. Although the components for eligibility differ from state to state, they are typically as follows. The first level is temporary disability, which lasts up to 6 months. The next is a moderate disability which can last anywhere between 6 months to 2 years. Finally, the permanent disability placard must be applied for every 15 years. All three levels must accompany an application form certified by a physician stating the full extent of the disability. In some states, upon receiving your license plate or placard, the individual is also issued an authorization letter that must accompany the vehicle using the placard.

Offenders who choose to park in a handicap spot affect the lives of those with a limited ability to walk, a visual handicap, or a debilitating heart or lung condition. Furthermore, those who defraud the system by using placards that have been bought, stolen, or traded need to be stopped. I am not suggesting that you need to approach someone you believe is abusing the system, such as, a young person driving a convertible who parks in a handicap spot. After all, many of us are not doctors or therapists; therefore, we are not qualified to make such an assertion. I am only suggesting you checkout the website www.handicappedfraud.org for details on how you can help thwart the offenders, and stop the laziness that is handicap parking fraud.

Keep parking where your supposed to until next time...

Ian

Lie To Me

2008-04-20T22:55:00.002-04:00

Do you want me to tell you the truth or lie to you? Famous last words. Too often do our lives seem to be dictated by the lies we tell. When we are young, we lie to get out of school as we get older it’s work. In some cases, we lie to our spouses to stay out just a little longer. The lies start off small and at a young age. As young boys and girls, we are taught to lie from our parents. When we don’t get caught in a lie we think it is okay and become masters of deceit. Some people consider it a license to tell lies. It’s no wonder that when a wife asks her husband if a particular outfit makes her look fat that his programed response is usually, “no baby, you make those pants look good.” Even if it isn’t the pants that make her look fat--it’s the big ass she chooses to do nothing about.

So how do you survive in a society of liars?

Modern technology is making masterful breakthroughs in catching liars. In November 2007, an innovative company released a product that will change how you view liars. Instead of mastering your skills of interpreting body language to detect false truths, www.LiarCard.com puts an affordable method of catching liars into the hands of an average person. The company markets their product as a voice polygraph that instantly detects lies by analyzing the subjects voice via the telephone. For a very affordable price the company uses technology that measures high and constant levels of stress (uncertainty), embarrassment (sadness), anger (anticipation) and excitement (concentration). With an added feature that offers the ability to record the conversation and email it to yourself for a later date.

Living in the information age affords our society many benefits. Of course, what some see as a blessing, others see as a curse. I imagine that we will see new technology in our not-so-distant future which allows a polygraph device to fit into the pocket of a coat. Personally, I have never been able to lie. My palms get sweaty, I stutter and stammer, and sometimes I just look at my feet to avoid eye contact and reveal my tell-tale sign in the form of an eye twitch. I can’t say I NEVER lie--I’m not that heartless. I can’t help but think that software like Liar Card’s will turn the average person into a paranoid freak obsessed with the truth. I do believe some lies are necessary. What do you think the world would be like if every phone call you picked up was placed with Liar Card’s technology or if everyone walked around with a pocket polygraph device? I may not care that my ass looks fat in these pants but if I am in line at the bank and squeeze out a dirty fart--if someone asks, I’d like them to think I know nothing.

Keep your colons clean and your noses too until next time..

Ian

The Root Of All Evil

2008-04-17T16:30:00.002-04:00

If money is the root of all evil, why do so many people want it? Perhaps that is just something people say when they don’t have it. Wait! I don’t have it, and I just said it. Never-mind, I do see the hurdles though that many people stack up in their way. It’s like life isn’t hard enough already; you need the perfect job, the biggest salary, the fastest car, and yes the hottest wife. Let me tell you something right now--I had that and the bag of chips; our hearts still break the same.

I propose we abolish all currency and head back to the day of bartering. A day when people actually traded something they enjoyed doing, for something they needed. Of course, that would mean that a lot of those people who make money, nowadays, off duping people would have to find something else to occupy their time.

Gone would be the swindlers and rapscallions who think it is cool to scam. Recently, I had some individual send me a heart felt message from a foreign country. Juan was his name. He regaled the sob story of how he broke free from an evil dictator’s clutches. There was plenty of woe, for it told of his painful struggle to escape a country ravaged by war. Juan left behind a multitude of possessions, for although he was nobility he could only escape with the shirt off his back. The evil General Fill-In-The-Blank killed his father--he knew he would surly be next. Upon freeing himself of this insidious torment, he managed to get word to an old family friend, who was a noble banker, and in trust of the family fortune. If only Juan could get in contact with a kind North American who could help him by sending the banker his or her name, address, and wire transfer for the bargain price of $249--sent to a Money Mart in Such And Such Springs, TX 33178. This would release poor Juan’s family fortune totaling 2.5 million dollars, and he could attempt to start over. Juan would happily give 750 thousand dollars of his inheritance to the kind person as a payment for their help.

Honestly, what are these people thinking? It’s not bad enough that we hear about these cases on a regular basis, but the letters are almost all composed in broken English with a Spanish undertone. OK, maybe if you’re refugee it might ALMOST seem plausible. Unfortunately for poor Juan, I receive 3 or 4 of these a week. In fact, as I write this now I see one in my email box from a supervisor at Fedex. It’s funny though, do you think Fedex has an email account with Yahoo?

I don’t honestly know if the day will ever come when we as a civilization regress to a day without currency, and I don’t know if it would actually do any good. Instead of scamming someone out of money, it would probably be sheep.

Try not to become one yourself until next time....

Ian